Any good women has August 28, 2013 marked on her calender. Quite frankly, if you're not familiar with this date then you are simply a hoe. Any self-righteous self-respecting woman with sense understands the importance of this day.
She understands that the man she has today will not be the man she has tomorrow. She understands that the "cuffin season calender" that she's been so closely following has a wild card day. August 28th marks the day; the day notoriously hated by wives, girlfriends, and "the other woman". Yes ladies you're fucked...and I'm not talking that reverse cowgirl Kama Sutra freaky shit. For the next 6 months your life is a shit storm and trust me...you don't know which way the wind is blowing.
But what could be this epic? What could possible be better than your mom's home cooked pasta shrimp freddie recipe? The answer is JOHN MADDEN...who would have ever thought that 65 year old fat man would be every man's fantasy. Midnight, August 25th MADDEN 13. All the pimps, playas, lames, cheaters, and nerds will lined up at your local gaming store on this day. Ladies, there is nothing you can do for your man during MADDEN season. You alone can not satisfy the beast that lies within "him". The guy formally known as "him" has professed his love for MADDEN. During MADDEN season he loves the sound you make when you stfu and let him be...Your man would rather get his hands MADDEN instead of you. For a small fee of $59.99, your man can purchase an orgasm that doesn't involve you. Pregnant? For the next 6 months it's not his baby. Wedding? His bachelor party just got longer. Sex? You local neighborhood sex shop should be able to help you out with that.
Ladies get used to words "I'm in the Lab" or Dave is waiting for me to get online. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news...I don't make the rules, I just play by them. As a matter of fact it's almost 12am, the lines for MADDEN are probably getting long. HOLLA!!
Salutations,
THE GOD
